I am drunk

yes!...finally i am drunk...dont be finicky abt the spellings coz i am drunk... it feels like you feel when u havent slept for a night...actually a bit more...but stilll ...somewhat that kinda feeling. if u dont feel for 2 nights u will prbably feel ecaxtly lke this.

shouvik said that u write wierd thingsw hen u r drunk. i hope when i read this when i am sane...it is wierd enuff...i dont want to be disaappointed by myslef....i will publish this now....


but i thik i have not written netyhing wierd...whne my sane self rads this ...he will be disaappointed...but what the hell he shud now the reality....


fuck him!

ochod fucker!

I am drunk

yes!...finally i am drunk...dont be finicky abt the spellings coz i am drunk... it feels like you feel when u havent slept for a night...actually a bit more...but stilll ...somewhat that kinda feeling. if u dont feel for 2 nights u will prbably feel ecaxtly lke this.

shouvik said that u write wierd thingsw hen u r drunk. i hope when i read this when i am sane...it is wierd enuff...i dont want to be disaappointed by myslef....i will publish this now....


but i thik i have not written netyhing wierd...whne my sane self rads this ...he will be disaappointed...but what the hell he shud now the reality....


fuck him!

ochod fucker!

crass cacophony

cute is cupid's cacophony
twisted is the turning tide
prose is the poem phoney
web is the world wide

open is the opulent orgy
tweaked is the twinkling time
closed are the kinky clergy
lovely is the lemony lime

talk is the time turner
jabbering is the joker job
book is the brain burner
mocking is the mundane mob

pervert pickdown poems...

this is what i and vineeth wrote on orkut scrapbook for various girls, the first line being girl specific. enjoy.

scary, your photo iss..a snake with a hiss..just a sec..ill piss...ahh..now miss...would u give me a kiss...dont delete thiss!

probably you will block me, you may...but not if i had my way...no no...i am not a gay...well...not in may....so hey...would you make my day...i am willing to pay.

cute cool charming bindaas...my ass..this is a pass..my horny lass..ao mere paas..bujhao meri pyaas...r u in my class?..cacophonous crass..your head is made of brass...or is it grass...or just bakwaas!

guru surf excel hai...i saw you on e-bay...below a gay...have u lost ur way..didnt get ur pay?...laying on hay...with hair(pubic) grey...u r my prey..go and pray..then play..ill eat your **** in a tray..nothing more to say

richa agarwall...did u get my call...i was waiting in the stall...in the mall..writing on the wall...noone stands tall..not as tall as hall..ready for a fall?..how big is ur ball?

The Night

It was a tuesday night. Just like any other night before a weekday.
It was a moonless night. Just like any other night, 14 nights before and after a moon-full night.
It was a cloudless night. Just like any other uncloudful night.
It was a starry night. Just like any other moonless, cloudless night.

Ochod, who had recently become bald, was sitting in the computer lab, with his usual plans to study. The computer lab was scarcely populated with usual souls. Everyone was well spaced out. There were no girls in the lab. On any other night, ochod would have opened youtube and search for Jennifer Connelly, Sharon Stone, Monica Belluci, Salma Hayek et al.

But tonight he chose not to. He himself was surprised at his decision. How could he get sick of watching Hot babes baring their non existent souls. How could he not want to watch sensous ladies and fantasize about them. He felt let down by his own self.

Was it because he had watched too much of it lately? then he could be excused. but he knew he hadnt seen it much. he was trying to convince himself that it is okay to not feel like watching porn once in a while, and that he has not lost interest in sex, and hence in life, and hence in the universe, and hence in everything.

and then, in the time interval that takes an actress to undress in a porn movie, an idea struck him. he got a brilliant argument to convince himself. it must be because its 12 already. so it is 14th feb. and 14th feb is all about love...and not sex! so he can be excused. Ha!

so,

It was a Pornless night. Just like no other night.

Being Bald


Barrenness on my head is symbolic, but what does it symbolize is a question which has many answers, all in their right, correct.

On one hand it symbolizes my move towards Buddhism or rather buddhist principles, of which the one which influenced me the most was baldness. Of course, i am strictly following the Buddhist principle of abstinence, not because i want to, but that i have no choice but to follow it.

On the other hand it symbolizes my barren and boring lifestyle, barren due to lack of girls, boring due to lack of entertainment avenues. gulzar's lyrics come to my mind

'Banjar hai sab Banjar hai,
Hum Dhoondhne Jab firdaus chale
teri khosh talaash mein dekh piya
hum kitne kaale kos chale'

another 14th feb comes and will go by, and ill remain a bald (buddhist?) bachelor being bugged by bugs bunny........thats all folks!!

Winter Masti in Delhi

this post has been delayed a lot, due to my laziness, finally i have got the impetus to write it... yes this is another night up, but thats besides the point. this december there was national science fest in St. Stephens in Delhi. since they were paying for travel and accomodation...some of us decided to go there and have some fun. initially the plan was for 6 of us to go...but anshul didnt get a bonafide certificate from cmi due to some wierd reason and bhanu had fever. so in the end it was the bong trio (arghya, shouvik, and shiladitya) and i who finally reached there.

clearly short of resources, we didnt have people to take part in all competitions...and we being thoroughly unprepared, decided to give few competitions a miss. one of such competition was Debate which we thought would be of very high level since teams like stephens and fergusson will be well prepared and good debators. so we send a team for programming instead (all of us were physicists). shiladitya and arghya went for programming and shouvik and i decided to go and see the debate. i and arghya had initially registered for it, and when my name was called out...i told them achal is not here! then the debate started and we were appalled by the poor quality of the debate, so we thought arghya could easily take part and get a prize. so i asked the judge that can someone still come. he agreed and i ran from 1 end of the college to the other to call arghya who was in the middle of a programming contest. he left that midway and ran to the place of debate. he was the last speaker and he came in and asked for half a minute to rest.

the debate topic was 'Indian space research program - a step forward in future or a leap back in time'. so arghya, after resting for half a minute, comes and tells a story about titanium disk and brazilian aeronautics. and then runs back to the programming contest.

the contest is won by some asshole whose speech was crap...another guy (my childhood friend) was much better...and there was another guy who deserved to be second but didnt get any prize! basically most of them just sprouted facts without any point in there debate.

now the programming contest was in c++ and java. both of them didnt know java...and they still got the third prize in the contest (2 questions were compulsory in java). you can imagine the level!

then there was this absurd theory contest (which was the one i was interested in most). so we sat up in the night and made absurd theories...like love is irrational and transcendental...female = male...all my theories are correct....shiladitya is a male bitch....and so on.

next day morning shouvik made up another absurd theory which proved god existed..using some wierd logic which i have forgotten! in the absurd theory competition, the crowd was so fucking stupid and dumb! they were not able to get simple stuff...and still they were acting as if we were dumb asses. i had expected atleast a third prize...if there was any...and there was a third prize...but that was given to 2 assholes..one whose theory's 2 obvious flaws were pointed out...and another whose theory was just psuedo absurd. reason...they used computer presentation!

then there was paper presentation for which arghya had an orginal paper already published in physical review. he was expected to just sweep the first prize...but he found out that there was no prize for originality...and they told him that his paper was of too high a level for audience...and hence they didnt give him prize..instead prize were given to people who just took some interesting question from some book...understood the solution and presented it (which any dumbass like me could do).

in the end the only prize we got was programming.... eventhough we were all physics students...and noone knew java. also we got to see some hot chicks in DU. oh yes...how can i forget..we got to eat lovely rum balls after all the lectures...which we bunked of course (in true cmi spirit). we managed to convey the cmi spirit to them...hopefully they will invite us next year...although i dont think i'll be going again...but ah...who knows!! the lovely weather and hot chicks might just lure me.

night up(s)!

its been 2 months since i last wrote...and sitting in front of the comp at 3'o clock at night (or should i say morning) i am recollecting all my previous night ups...yes...i have decided not to sleep tonight.

night ups...usually start with a very good reason....but as always ...never live up to their promise! most of my night ups has been for a reason which many will laugh off. the reason is...i was very fond of the burger our hostel used to give on sunday morning breakfast. now i being a sleepy fellow never used to wake up on time for breakfast...and so...just to have the burger...just so that i dont miss it...i used to stay awake all night. what did i do the whole night...well i wouldnt be alone...ill usually have some senior for company...so we'll watch some movie...which we must have seen 10 times (especially a movie called heartbreakers(because jeniffer love hewitt is there in that), which we had seen so many times that we actually remembered each and every dialogue). then we'll watch another movie...then listen to some nice music....then talk...and finally by 4:30 to 5 we both would be on sofa sleeping.

and we would do the same thing again the next sunday and the next!! come to think of it...i cant believe i actually did that!

nowadays most of my night ups start off with...ill study something tonight...ill finish this homework...but as soon as i get in front of comp...in an empty comp lab...i cant control myself and i start watching porn! after watching enuff porn to the extent of feeling sick after seeing it...i search for some future university websites...and end up dreaming abt getting into cambridge or harvard...and i end the night up thinking....i shudnt sleep too much and study at nights if i wanna get into these places....next time, i will study!!! and the vicious circle continues!

yet another night up is passing by...i have done nothing useful (except write this blog of course!). now i am in the university watching stage...and will soon move on to the dreaming stage.

btw...if u want to loose your sleep...watch a movie called cannibal holocaust. incidentally i watched one scene of that movie today...and i am hoping i can sleep sometime in future!

HIGH TIME!!!

Singapore is considering legalising anal and oral sex between heterosexuals with consent!!! now what is there to consider in that?? in wthe world where some nations are considering legalising homosexuality, singapore appears to be a really backward and conservative society.

but it is not! well, it pretends to be or it wants to be but it is anything but that. in the bedroom everyone has oral and anal sex, so whats the big fuss about legalising it. whats wrong with it anyway? infact i cant get the rationale of banning homosexuality, forget oral sex and anal sex!

2 adults with their mutual consent get pleasure in doing something what the fuck is the govts. problem. its not that oral sex or anal sex or homo sex will kill neone!

and that too a country like spore...supposed to be modern and developed! even india doesnt have such laws and trust me... india is much much more conservative. the only countries i can think of haveing worse laws are probably muslim countries. but the fact that singapore is trying to compete with them is astounding!

singaporeans! its time you revolted!!! its time when everyone had oral sex and anal sex in front of the govt house....its time gays had sex in public. lets see how many does the govt kill or jail!!

long live the revolution!

achal

Farhan Akhtar - THE DON

Critics have rubbished the new don...left and right...but guess who has the last laugh? in the movie its shahrukh khan - The Don. In reality it is farhan akhtar - The Don. Confused?? lemme explain.

I guess we all remember Dil Chahta Hai? The awesome debut of farhan akhtar. Now, can you believe that he is the same guy who directed don? of course not!

so here is what the great mind must have thought before the movie. lets shoot a movie which will get me as much money as possible...so that i can make an awesome movie next time.. what to do to get as much money as possible?? get shahrukh khan in lead!! of course. then to ensure people see it...let me remake a famous old movie...don...perfect. now let me reduce the making cost...let me have all shooting in malaysia...malaysian govt will give lot of money...and neway shahrukh is damn famous in malaysia...so the combo of malaysia and shahrukh will be awesome. the movie will sell in india and malaysia as well.

now if all this doesnt generate him enuff money...nothing will...and i guess he has already got a lot of money..even though the movie was crap. wait for his next movie it will be a level above nething u have seen in indian cinema. till then marvel at the brilliant mind of farhan akhtar.

but of course..

understanding farhan akhtar is not only difficult but it is.....

muhahahahaha (mortal kombat style)

IIT Shaastra - the spirit of engineering - a case study in dumbness

you thought iit students are the smartest people on this planet? you thought iit's are the richest indian colleges? wait till you read this...your thoughts will be shattered, your eyes will be illuminated after staying in darkness and you might become blind. the truth shall be revealed right here right now right way.

last week, iit madras organised a tech fest, called shaastra, a huge event which even had coverage from news papers and participation from colleges all over india. so we went for a physics quiz there. the first dumb statement which the organisers make is "there should be 2 per team, but maximum you can have is 3!"

then after the prelims they announce the results. they want to have 8 teams in the final. to be on the safer side they decide to have waiting list, just in case any team doesnt turn up. guess how many waiting list teams do they have. 1? very very bad guess. 4? closer still far far away donkey! 8? bingo...8 teams in waiting list to fill up 8 places! now maybe i am underestimating iitians...maybe they are too smart...they wanted audience for the finals and hence they put so many in waiting list so that atleast they come!

now what do they do with the audience? they have to entertain them right? so they have audience round in between the quiz. first question...i get it correct...happily i run for my prize and see the guy coming toward me but i dont see any prize in his hand. then when he reaches me, out of his closed fist come 2 popping coffee bites!!!! i am stunned!too stunned to think what to do! i just say "what else should i expect from iit" and walk off. its only later i realise what i should have done. i should have asked a question to the audience myself. "which is the cheapest college on earth? and given the correct answerer 3 chockolates(i already had 1 alpenlibe in my pocket) and say..see even i gave more than the iit" and then should have showed a middle finger to the organisers and walked off from the place, but such good ideas take time to come! neways i was too eager to eat coffee bite to think of such great ideas!

not long ago...iit had held a maths competition called forays. guess what they gave the winners in that competition.a showcase item with all wierd heart shaped things on it. the best prize in that competition was an engineering book. tell me, why do mathematicians need an engineering book?!!

if you are still not convinced that iitians are dumb and iit is a poor college...you deserve to join iit!

but iit gave me something good atleast, they gave me a topic to write about in my blog!

The House of Flying Daggers - the review

normally i dont write movie reviews...but this one's irritated me so much that i have to write one...just to release my frustration.

i dont see many chinese movies, but for some wierd reason i saw this one, although there was nothing special about this movie which would have made me choose this movie...the trailer had some brilliant shots, but all chinese movies have that. neways why i saw it is a question of consciousness studies and i shall not discuss that coz thats outside the scope of our discussion.

the movie starts and the first thing which irritates me is the dubbing. it is so bad (unnatural) that the acting starts seeming bad.

now, i should clarify here, you might be thinking that i dont like unrealistic action shown in chinese movies and hence this movie bothered me so much, no! i went to this movie with a very open mind, willing to accept extra action, as long as it doesnt hinder the script, but this movie script itself has so many unrealistic holes and corny stuff that me and my friend (who slept out most of the movie and later complained that this movie didnt even allow him to sleep properly because of the loud sounds every 2 minutes) looked at each other and started laughing.

let me narrate a scene for you as a proof,

so there is this lady who has been hit by a flying dagger in her heart, by her ex-lover whom she just betrayed. she falls down and then conveniently talks to her exlover before (what seemed like) dying. then her present lover, who had run away comes back (forests keep changing in the background so i presume he comes back from a pretty far off place) and sees that she is lying dead. so he starts fighting with the ex lover, and seasons come and change the time, it starts snowing and the whole place is full of snow....but these 2 guys keep on fighting and fighting. then after eternity, the ex lover realises that he is the member of the house of flying daggers, and that he could have easily shot the lover with the dagger. thats when he takes out his dagger and before he is about to shoot...guess what happens...yes...the dead lady comes alive (she wasnt dead for so long, she was just lying (pun intended)) and threatens if the ex lover hits the lover with the dagger, she will pull out the dagger from her left boob (it has to be that because it cushioned the dagger from hitting the heart) to save the lover and as a result, she will die. so the ex lover is conveniently presented with a dilemma in a very photographic situation.

if this doesnt sound corny to you...and doesnt seem unnatural...u'll love chinese movies...and u shud go watch this one...you'll love it...because apart from being corny and unnatural...everything else is great about this movie..

of course indian bollywood movies are also usually such crap.... remember salaam namaste...a pregnant girl (8 months) doing break dance at midnight? so i guess indian movies and chinese movies are 2 sides of the same coins. needless to say thre might be good chinese movies, i was hoping this was one of them it wasnt...maybe next time id' be lucky!

for me...it was just 10 rs. down the drain... when you've got nothing...you've got nothing to loose!!

dreamy eyed

yesterday i had one sweet dream
about me having chocklate and ice cream
and flying over new york city
and wooing a girl by being witty

and then suddenly i heard a bell ring
and i also heard a hen sing
and then the sweet dream came to an end
and i was standing on yet another bend

the whole day went without a fuss
i caught the 8 o clock bus
and back i am at my home
nowhere to flow nowhere to roam

tonight i shall sleep and dream again
ill go on a ship ill go on a plane
but this time i shall not be woken
this poem is my last token

On the beauty of beauty.

beauty is the most beautiful word i have ever heard, not just because it has such a close connection with booty. but for other reasons as well.

remember jim carrey in the truman show...b-e-a-utiful. my version goes like this be-a-u-tee-fool. of course when u tell a girl that she is beautiful, everyone knows what you really mean (bootyfull)

also beauty rhymes perfectly with duty

beauty also uses 3 vowels continuously...eau...which adds to its beauty.

beauty ends with a y.... so if someone says you are a beauty...he is very subtly making fun of you.

if you reverse the word...you get ytuaeb.... so beautiful.

Robert Frost vis-a-vis Shreekumar Varma


Robert frost hated taking lectures at college...and when he took them...it would be very informal and at his home. he hated giving exams even more.

once he gave an exam with just 1 question in it. what did you learn from my course. please give a brief answer.

his favourite response was, "not a damm bit"

when asked how much did he give to the student...he replied...90 out of 100. when asked... why not 100...he replied...because he got the spelling of damn wrong!

there was another author named shreekumar varma.

once he too gave an exam with lots of questions in it, which essentially meant...what have you learnt from my course. of course he did not want his students to be brief (otherwise he wouldnt have given so many questions).

a student's response was..."not a damn bit". of course it was not so brief...as shreekumar varma wanted an elaborate answer.

he gave the student a CD..which was 1 more than the worst grade he could give. when asked why did he give the student such bad marks...he replied... because he spelled damn correctly!

guess whom will the history remember?

How Mobile Phones have screwed my life!

mobile phones are omni-potent, present, porous, vorous and what not! most irritating creatures on earth...they are now found everywhere...from your best friend's hand to a hot girl's purse to a beggars bowl!

i had spend one year in singapore(a country obsessed with mobile phones) without having a handphone! everywhere i'd go..they would ask me...whats your handphone number...and hearing that i dont have one...they would give me a stare that would make even sachin tendulkar embarrased of his shots!

i finally decided to get one phone...and the next year was even more horrible than the first one. we had seperate halls in our hostel..so somebody would keep messaging to open the door... please do this...and that. if that was not enough people would keep sending messages..and expect you to reply which obviously costed me! college teacher would call me whenever i would bunk! all the cca - clubs would inform me of the meeting 2 hours before the meeting..and i would be expected to join. all this is still bearable...but what i couldnt bear was the ringing of phone when i used to sleep. now...since i used to put alarm..i cudnt put it in silent mode...and invariably..someone would call and screw my dreams up!

so after that disastrous 1 year...i decided not to have a phone...even if it was damn cheap. but the phones didnt stop irritating me...now whenever me and my friends would sit down to play bridge...one of them will get a call...the moment his call would get over another will get call, and then another...and i will be left staring at the cards.

i am yet to decide which is greater of the two evil...having or not having a mobile phone...but 1 thing's for sure...both are great evil...an evil which hopefully mankind abolishes...maybe due to some other stupid reason like health hazards!

i was travelling in a bus.... it was a school picnic... i was in class five... everyone was having 'fun'....and suddenly i felt like peeing...badly...i controlled for some time, but it was getting more and more uncontrollable...then it happened...i let it off...in front of everyone...everyone saw me and started laughing...it was so bad....i felt like shitting in my pants...badly...and then my eyes opened....and my hand found out that the peeing in pant part was not just a nightmare...it was reality....and my feeling of shitting in my pants was not just my figment of imagination but bitter truth which needed to be acted on immediately.

'have you had a dream neo, which was more real than reality itself' - morpheus in the matrix..

hell yeah...i have had countless such dreams!

and i guess no one will throw tomatoes (not that neone can) on me when i say that most of us have had such dreams!

so then comes the point..what is better? dream world or 'reality'. is it better to believe in illusions and be happy or to be in real world and sad. is it better to have sex with an imaginary kate beckinsale (which will of course seem as real)...or to have sex with a disgusting whore in reality. and just in case you were waiting for the answer...it was a rhetorical question!

so why do people keep saying 'come back to reality'?? why should anyone come back to reality when the dream world is good and pleasurable. why is deluding oneself considered wrong or stupid or both!

french philosopher Jean Paul Sartre once said

'Like all dreamers I confuse disenchantment with truth.'

I am a dreamer....and i prefer enchantment to truth!

2 hours in a 10 rs ticket queue

last week, after 4 futile attempts at getting the 10 rs rang de basanti tickets, i decided to go 2 hours before the movie and stand in the queue. well...i was the first one there, and was happy that finally after 2 weeks of agonising wait, ill finally see it. for next 1 hour, thre was no problem. soon thre started flowing in people, most of them wanting to watch dishyum ( a pathetic mass movie). being the only hindi guy around they started having fun with me(or making fun...i dunno). they wud say dsgfdskjfhkjdsfhkjfhkjfdshkjhdsfa?? i would say "tamil illa" (tamil no)...they wud say fdaskgfsadfglksadjgfjksdfg i wud say "whaat??" ...they wud mock "whaaaaaaaaaaattttt" ....theyll say fsdafkjgdfksajh sutta ksdhfkjas?? ....ill ask what?......they'll say " u fuck?"...ill smile and say "no".

then against all rules, some people started entering the queue from the front totally contadicting the definition of the queue. when someone would try and enter from front...initially everyone will shout, but later that guy will somehow enter...then another guy will come....now the guy who just illegally entered will start shouting....this continued for quite some time...and from first posn...i ended up around 10th!!!!...not to mention the limited space became so crowded that i was glad i could not smell!! thenwhen it was almost time....3 college gals (notice...i didnt say chicks) come and get 10 tickets when just on top of the counter thre is a board (1 ticket 1 person). i guess gals are not persons! and while they are taking the tickets, everyone(except me of course) in the queue is whistling...and singing songs abt the girls figure (mind you...gals look below average).

finally after 2 hours of horrible torture i get the ticket....the theatre is awesome....everything is perfect....reviews are awesome...everyone is saying fantastic...i am ready to be blown away.
then starts the movie. i wont say it is 3 hours of torture....but its definitely not what its being made out to be....at many parts it is so corny, i couldnt help laughing!... swades (very highly underrated movie according to me) was much much better!!well...the music is fantastic....and it saves my 10 bucks from getting wasted... also acting is good.

bottomline - u have to watch the movie because of all the hype and music...and i hope u like it...and get a cheap ticket for it!!

first drinking experience!

last saturday.... my dream had finally come true.... i was to drink... i was to experience what many people have described as a heavenly experience! although i had tasted beer and vodka earlier and hated the taste...i had decided...ill go all the way and get drunk. asked my friend to get jin for me...beer is too less concentrated to get drunk. stage set...i pour some jin and limca...didnt taste so bad...so i drink...half done...i am not even feeling dizzy!!

pour again .... mix again....drink drink drink...

not a hint of getting drunk!...wat the hell...!..how much do i need to drink...gin is over too...

infact i am so in senses that i actually went back to my hostel and played cards...(won some games too) ....did my homework too...

in the end 70 rs. go down the drain(literally).... all i learn is...next time i have to drink much more....or not drink at all!..

80ml of jin and still not drunk...i still cant believe it!

achal

5 mins...not more

according to a new law in some indonesian city...couples cannot kiss for more than 5 minutes in public. if you havent realised what it means...read on

what does the government define as kissing for 5 minutes...is it continuous lip contact for 5 minutes or...whether the lips seperated by less than a centimetre distance is also considered a kiss!?!

leaving the definitions apart...how r they going to implement it?!? the moment a couple starts kissing....a policeman runs to the point and starts a stopwatch....the moment it reaches 5 minutes and 1 second he stops them and arrests?!?

leaving the implementations apart... how will the couples adapt if this rule is implemented. they will kiss like hell for 4 minutes 59 seconds...then move their heads apart for infinitesimal time...and start kissing again.

this law is really mind boggling...its a revolutionary law which is going to change the way couples kiss in public forever in that city of indonesia!!!