On the beauty of beauty.

beauty is the most beautiful word i have ever heard, not just because it has such a close connection with booty. but for other reasons as well.

remember jim carrey in the truman show...b-e-a-utiful. my version goes like this be-a-u-tee-fool. of course when u tell a girl that she is beautiful, everyone knows what you really mean (bootyfull)

also beauty rhymes perfectly with duty

beauty also uses 3 vowels continuously...eau...which adds to its beauty.

beauty ends with a y.... so if someone says you are a beauty...he is very subtly making fun of you.

if you reverse the word...you get ytuaeb.... so beautiful.

Robert Frost vis-a-vis Shreekumar Varma


Robert frost hated taking lectures at college...and when he took them...it would be very informal and at his home. he hated giving exams even more.

once he gave an exam with just 1 question in it. what did you learn from my course. please give a brief answer.

his favourite response was, "not a damm bit"

when asked how much did he give to the student...he replied...90 out of 100. when asked... why not 100...he replied...because he got the spelling of damn wrong!

there was another author named shreekumar varma.

once he too gave an exam with lots of questions in it, which essentially meant...what have you learnt from my course. of course he did not want his students to be brief (otherwise he wouldnt have given so many questions).

a student's response was..."not a damn bit". of course it was not so brief...as shreekumar varma wanted an elaborate answer.

he gave the student a CD..which was 1 more than the worst grade he could give. when asked why did he give the student such bad marks...he replied... because he spelled damn correctly!

guess whom will the history remember?

How Mobile Phones have screwed my life!

mobile phones are omni-potent, present, porous, vorous and what not! most irritating creatures on earth...they are now found everywhere...from your best friend's hand to a hot girl's purse to a beggars bowl!

i had spend one year in singapore(a country obsessed with mobile phones) without having a handphone! everywhere i'd go..they would ask me...whats your handphone number...and hearing that i dont have one...they would give me a stare that would make even sachin tendulkar embarrased of his shots!

i finally decided to get one phone...and the next year was even more horrible than the first one. we had seperate halls in our hostel..so somebody would keep messaging to open the door... please do this...and that. if that was not enough people would keep sending messages..and expect you to reply which obviously costed me! college teacher would call me whenever i would bunk! all the cca - clubs would inform me of the meeting 2 hours before the meeting..and i would be expected to join. all this is still bearable...but what i couldnt bear was the ringing of phone when i used to sleep. now...since i used to put alarm..i cudnt put it in silent mode...and invariably..someone would call and screw my dreams up!

so after that disastrous 1 year...i decided not to have a phone...even if it was damn cheap. but the phones didnt stop irritating me...now whenever me and my friends would sit down to play bridge...one of them will get a call...the moment his call would get over another will get call, and then another...and i will be left staring at the cards.

i am yet to decide which is greater of the two evil...having or not having a mobile phone...but 1 thing's for sure...both are great evil...an evil which hopefully mankind abolishes...maybe due to some other stupid reason like health hazards!

i was travelling in a bus.... it was a school picnic... i was in class five... everyone was having 'fun'....and suddenly i felt like peeing...badly...i controlled for some time, but it was getting more and more uncontrollable...then it happened...i let it off...in front of everyone...everyone saw me and started laughing...it was so bad....i felt like shitting in my pants...badly...and then my eyes opened....and my hand found out that the peeing in pant part was not just a nightmare...it was reality....and my feeling of shitting in my pants was not just my figment of imagination but bitter truth which needed to be acted on immediately.

'have you had a dream neo, which was more real than reality itself' - morpheus in the matrix..

hell yeah...i have had countless such dreams!

and i guess no one will throw tomatoes (not that neone can) on me when i say that most of us have had such dreams!

so then comes the point..what is better? dream world or 'reality'. is it better to believe in illusions and be happy or to be in real world and sad. is it better to have sex with an imaginary kate beckinsale (which will of course seem as real)...or to have sex with a disgusting whore in reality. and just in case you were waiting for the answer...it was a rhetorical question!

so why do people keep saying 'come back to reality'?? why should anyone come back to reality when the dream world is good and pleasurable. why is deluding oneself considered wrong or stupid or both!

french philosopher Jean Paul Sartre once said

'Like all dreamers I confuse disenchantment with truth.'

I am a dreamer....and i prefer enchantment to truth!

2 hours in a 10 rs ticket queue

last week, after 4 futile attempts at getting the 10 rs rang de basanti tickets, i decided to go 2 hours before the movie and stand in the queue. well...i was the first one there, and was happy that finally after 2 weeks of agonising wait, ill finally see it. for next 1 hour, thre was no problem. soon thre started flowing in people, most of them wanting to watch dishyum ( a pathetic mass movie). being the only hindi guy around they started having fun with me(or making fun...i dunno). they wud say dsgfdskjfhkjdsfhkjfhkjfdshkjhdsfa?? i would say "tamil illa" (tamil no)...they wud say fdaskgfsadfglksadjgfjksdfg i wud say "whaat??" ...they wud mock "whaaaaaaaaaaattttt" ....theyll say fsdafkjgdfksajh sutta ksdhfkjas?? ....ill ask what?......they'll say " u fuck?"...ill smile and say "no".

then against all rules, some people started entering the queue from the front totally contadicting the definition of the queue. when someone would try and enter from front...initially everyone will shout, but later that guy will somehow enter...then another guy will come....now the guy who just illegally entered will start shouting....this continued for quite some time...and from first posn...i ended up around 10th!!!!...not to mention the limited space became so crowded that i was glad i could not smell!! thenwhen it was almost time....3 college gals (notice...i didnt say chicks) come and get 10 tickets when just on top of the counter thre is a board (1 ticket 1 person). i guess gals are not persons! and while they are taking the tickets, everyone(except me of course) in the queue is whistling...and singing songs abt the girls figure (mind you...gals look below average).

finally after 2 hours of horrible torture i get the ticket....the theatre is awesome....everything is perfect....reviews are awesome...everyone is saying fantastic...i am ready to be blown away.
then starts the movie. i wont say it is 3 hours of torture....but its definitely not what its being made out to be....at many parts it is so corny, i couldnt help laughing!... swades (very highly underrated movie according to me) was much much better!!well...the music is fantastic....and it saves my 10 bucks from getting wasted... also acting is good.

bottomline - u have to watch the movie because of all the hype and music...and i hope u like it...and get a cheap ticket for it!!

first drinking experience!

last saturday.... my dream had finally come true.... i was to drink... i was to experience what many people have described as a heavenly experience! although i had tasted beer and vodka earlier and hated the taste...i had decided...ill go all the way and get drunk. asked my friend to get jin for me...beer is too less concentrated to get drunk. stage set...i pour some jin and limca...didnt taste so bad...so i drink...half done...i am not even feeling dizzy!!

pour again .... mix again....drink drink drink...

not a hint of getting drunk!...wat the hell...!..how much do i need to drink...gin is over too...

infact i am so in senses that i actually went back to my hostel and played cards...(won some games too) ....did my homework too...

in the end 70 rs. go down the drain(literally).... all i learn is...next time i have to drink much more....or not drink at all!..

80ml of jin and still not drunk...i still cant believe it!

achal

5 mins...not more

according to a new law in some indonesian city...couples cannot kiss for more than 5 minutes in public. if you havent realised what it means...read on

what does the government define as kissing for 5 minutes...is it continuous lip contact for 5 minutes or...whether the lips seperated by less than a centimetre distance is also considered a kiss!?!

leaving the definitions apart...how r they going to implement it?!? the moment a couple starts kissing....a policeman runs to the point and starts a stopwatch....the moment it reaches 5 minutes and 1 second he stops them and arrests?!?

leaving the implementations apart... how will the couples adapt if this rule is implemented. they will kiss like hell for 4 minutes 59 seconds...then move their heads apart for infinitesimal time...and start kissing again.

this law is really mind boggling...its a revolutionary law which is going to change the way couples kiss in public forever in that city of indonesia!!!

the disgusting indian media

recently...there was a news story...which got 45 hours of live coverage from zee news......around 25 hours of live coverage from star news (apparently they got 'inspired' by zee news)...and rest i dont know....

you must be thinking this is surely mumbai blasts...or something else as important... but no!...u r wrong...its the PRINCE story. a small boy who fell in a borewell...and who was rescued after 50 hours. if you are thinking...so what??...what is my point??...please stop reading...coz i wont make much sense from now on too!!

wat kind of freaking media gives 45 hours of live coverage to such an incident... thre was no other news on the channel except this one... israel is bombing lebanon...100's r dying...so what??...

in a country like singapore where deaths are rare... and they have a population crisis..such news is ok....but in a place like india...where so many people die of stupid reasons everyday...y did india suddenly become so sensitive towards PRINCE! and its not just that they covered this news so much...its the kind of stuff they were showing which really disgusted me...they got people(from some singing competition show) to sing songs...all kinds of devotional songs...and the children were more busy trying to showcase their talents than actually singing with there heart for the small kid....

so on one side they want to show they are sensitive...on the other side its glaring how insensitive they are!!

and its not just this(zee news)...star news and aaj tak and also india tv (how can neone forget them) have crossed all limits of disgusting journalism...with all irrelevant and useless news stories...and going overboard with them. amongst all this only 1 channel stands out for its quality...and thats ndtv 24x7. it has good shows ( big fight..we the people)...great discussions and relevant stuff! they do not show vulgar news like other channels...i want to praise them for their effort!

THE Pondy experience

5 days holiday in chennai!!...no way...its too much to endure...so i headed for pondy...just 4 hours bus ride (not a very comfortable one though) from chennai. you will hear a lot about how awesome that road is...but if you expect too much...youll be disappointed... as i was!

when u reach thre...never ever take an auto...or pay the auto as much as they ask!!! we found that out the hard way!!

and the first impression of the city...is probably the worst impression..

ok...let me come down to my unique experiences of the city...the other details u can get from newhere

outside poster shows a lady...with slight cleavage...and something written in tamil...my friend informs me that this is a mallu porn movie...my hormones and curiosity both get excited at the same time...and we decide to watch the night show!... the ticket is reasonably priced at 15 rs...and soon we find out why....in the semi darkness...just before sitting i notice some stain on my seat...it doesnt take me much time to realise that it is dried sperm...so we go to some other seat...and thre a same scene awaits us...so we go through the whole theatre searching seat by seat...with people staring at us... at last we manage to find relatively sperm free seats...and we sit!...all the while thre r some horrible tamil songs playing in horrible speakers....and me and my friend joke about whats the need of good speakers here neway...just to hear orgasmic noises?

before the movie even starts we see a gay couple....rubbing each others dicks...this brings me to a sub unique experience...seeing a gay couple making out in a porn theatre.

then the movie begins...and when i first see the "heroine" ... i am shocked...i am wondering am i seeing elephant porn or human porn... let me try and estimate her vital stats...and hopefully you have a good imagination and you will get a good picture of her... 50 - 40 - 48!!!

you can imagine....i thought this is probably a filler movie...in true porn tradition...it will soon disappear and some "real" porn movie will start...but no!...this was it...she was the one whom i paid 15 rs for!.... and if her sight was not enuf....she did some "hot" scenes too...which disgusted me more than her figure. and can you imagine a porn movie without a kissing scene....without ne nude scene?...if you can...u probably have seen this movie...if u cant...go and see this movie!

the name of the movie is "asai kadhalan" which literally translated means...male lover with lots of desire!...oh...and did i mention that the "hero" was also as fat...and showing off his muscles...and stripping everywhere. judging by the people who attended the show...i dont think many girls come to theatre...so i missed the point, why the hero should be showcased more than the girls...probably the couple i saw were one of the many who see these movies.

there is a serious need of quality control for porn in india i guess...we are developing in every field ...and we should not lag behind in this field...you cannot even compare indian porn with that abroad!
also the censor board should ban these movies!...or atleast they should have a statutory warning!

that day we went to a beach (well i cannot find any other word for that place)...from where we saw a real beach....which was just across a small river(again i cannot find any other word for it). it was so close i was tempted to swim across...but my friend didnt know swimming...so we decided to go thre by cycles the next day. we started early morning....and using our sense of direction...tried to find a way there...we managed to find a harbour, a fish market, a burial ground, a village but not that beach. even worse we cudnt get the people we met to understand where we wanted to go....but both of us being big time loosers didnt want to loose again...it seemed too trivial to bow down to...so we kept cycling and persevering...and after 5 hours of cycling...a beach which was just 50 mts from our sight the earlier day was reached! and the worse thing was...after cycling so much...it didnt even seem worth it!

that day was gone in cycling....at night i wanted to get drunk (you must have read how i have tried and failed to get drunk and also the pondy alcohol is damn cheap) on the beach and sleep there and wake up to see the sunrise...my friend found it too risky...and i wanted to do it at any cost...so in the end i was left alone on the beach staring at a semicircular rainbow and tired. being alone...i dropped the plan of getting drunkand planned to just spend a night on the beach. till 2 am everything was fine....and then came 2 policemen and woke me up from my deep sleep. of course they didnt say...excuse me sir...would you kindly get up...no...i got a tap of the policeman's lathi on my ass! and before i could realise what was happening i was bombarded with questions from the smirking faces of the policemen who thought they have found osama bin laden! after lot of questions and assuring themselves that i am just a college boy thre for fun and not osama bin laden who wants to blowup pondy on 15th august they told me to screw off from that place..and before i could properly wake up and go...they came again and started opening my bag and checking everything...and then they asked me the question...are you a muslim?..it is now that i understood what was happening...u see i being lazy shave very rarely...so i had a beard from which they deduced i am a muslim...and from which they deduced i am a terrorist...i must say indian police's mind works faster than sherlock holmes! i had to spend the rest of the time cycling around the town which is sleepy even during the day! needless to say...i got screwed real badly.

and after lot of cycling..stopping...wondering the pointlessness of life...cursing the indian police...and thinking that i should have gone with my friend...it was 5 am. and i was rewarded for my perseverance and the pain i suffered...i witnessed a glorious sunrise at the beach. after which i boarded the bus...and the next thing i remember is i was in chennai!