Saturday, August 26, 2006

THE Pondy experience

5 days holiday in chennai!!...no way...its too much to endure...so i headed for pondy...just 4 hours bus ride (not a very comfortable one though) from chennai. you will hear a lot about how awesome that road is...but if you expect too much...youll be disappointed... as i was!

when u reach thre...never ever take an auto...or pay the auto as much as they ask!!! we found that out the hard way!!

and the first impression of the city...is probably the worst impression..

ok...let me come down to my unique experiences of the city...the other details u can get from newhere

outside poster shows a lady...with slight cleavage...and something written in tamil...my friend informs me that this is a mallu porn movie...my hormones and curiosity both get excited at the same time...and we decide to watch the night show!... the ticket is reasonably priced at 15 rs...and soon we find out why....in the semi darkness...just before sitting i notice some stain on my seat...it doesnt take me much time to realise that it is dried sperm...so we go to some other seat...and thre a same scene awaits us...so we go through the whole theatre searching seat by seat...with people staring at us... at last we manage to find relatively sperm free seats...and we sit!...all the while thre r some horrible tamil songs playing in horrible speakers....and me and my friend joke about whats the need of good speakers here neway...just to hear orgasmic noises?

before the movie even starts we see a gay couple....rubbing each others dicks...this brings me to a sub unique experience...seeing a gay couple making out in a porn theatre.

then the movie begins...and when i first see the "heroine" ... i am shocked...i am wondering am i seeing elephant porn or human porn... let me try and estimate her vital stats...and hopefully you have a good imagination and you will get a good picture of her... 50 - 40 - 48!!!

you can imagine....i thought this is probably a filler movie...in true porn tradition...it will soon disappear and some "real" porn movie will start...but no!...this was it...she was the one whom i paid 15 rs for!.... and if her sight was not enuf....she did some "hot" scenes too...which disgusted me more than her figure. and can you imagine a porn movie without a kissing scene....without ne nude scene?...if you can...u probably have seen this movie...if u cant...go and see this movie!

the name of the movie is "asai kadhalan" which literally translated means...male lover with lots of desire!...oh...and did i mention that the "hero" was also as fat...and showing off his muscles...and stripping everywhere. judging by the people who attended the show...i dont think many girls come to theatre...so i missed the point, why the hero should be showcased more than the girls...probably the couple i saw were one of the many who see these movies.

there is a serious need of quality control for porn in india i guess...we are developing in every field ...and we should not lag behind in this field...you cannot even compare indian porn with that abroad!
also the censor board should ban these movies!...or atleast they should have a statutory warning!

that day we went to a beach (well i cannot find any other word for that place)...from where we saw a real beach....which was just across a small river(again i cannot find any other word for it). it was so close i was tempted to swim across...but my friend didnt know swimming...so we decided to go thre by cycles the next day. we started early morning....and using our sense of direction...tried to find a way there...we managed to find a harbour, a fish market, a burial ground, a village but not that beach. even worse we cudnt get the people we met to understand where we wanted to go....but both of us being big time loosers didnt want to loose again...it seemed too trivial to bow down to...so we kept cycling and persevering...and after 5 hours of cycling...a beach which was just 50 mts from our sight the earlier day was reached! and the worse thing was...after cycling so much...it didnt even seem worth it!

that day was gone in cycling....at night i wanted to get drunk (you must have read how i have tried and failed to get drunk and also the pondy alcohol is damn cheap) on the beach and sleep there and wake up to see the sunrise...my friend found it too risky...and i wanted to do it at any cost...so in the end i was left alone on the beach staring at a semicircular rainbow and tired. being alone...i dropped the plan of getting drunkand planned to just spend a night on the beach. till 2 am everything was fine....and then came 2 policemen and woke me up from my deep sleep. of course they didnt say...excuse me sir...would you kindly get up...no...i got a tap of the policeman's lathi on my ass! and before i could realise what was happening i was bombarded with questions from the smirking faces of the policemen who thought they have found osama bin laden! after lot of questions and assuring themselves that i am just a college boy thre for fun and not osama bin laden who wants to blowup pondy on 15th august they told me to screw off from that place..and before i could properly wake up and go...they came again and started opening my bag and checking everything...and then they asked me the question...are you a muslim?..it is now that i understood what was happening...u see i being lazy shave very rarely...so i had a beard from which they deduced i am a muslim...and from which they deduced i am a terrorist...i must say indian police's mind works faster than sherlock holmes! i had to spend the rest of the time cycling around the town which is sleepy even during the day! needless to say...i got screwed real badly.

and after lot of cycling..stopping...wondering the pointlessness of life...cursing the indian police...and thinking that i should have gone with my friend...it was 5 am. and i was rewarded for my perseverance and the pain i suffered...i witnessed a glorious sunrise at the beach. after which i boarded the bus...and the next thing i remember is i was in chennai!

6 comments:

darthpsykoz said...

yaya i know it was worse 4 me

Anshul said...

By the way, pornography distribution in India is illegal so you couldnt have had a pornographic nude scene in that movie. The censor wont allow anything more than top nudity even in an A film. Hard luck anywayz! I think these moves are made for the ultra-poor on ultra low budget.

achal said...

@Anshul: the point is the movie didnt even have top nudity...well...not that i wanted to see that fat heroine nude...and so what if its made for ultra poor on ultra low budget...they dont need big budget to make porn movies do they?

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